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Is This Art?

08/18/2017 by John Leave a Comment

A few years back, I listened to Seth Godin’s The Icarus Deception. The book is about not being afraid to do your “art,” with art being loosely defined as whatever you are passionate about. I’ve read a number of books and blog posts about this subject, and although something about them resonates with me, I’m always left with the same nagging question: what is my art? At forty-seven years old I still cannot define what it is that I am truly passionate about, what drives me to get up in the morning, what “art” I can give to the world.

I go into reading books like The Icarus Deception with the hope that I will finally figure what I want to be when I “grow up”. I feel somehow like I’m left out. I look around me and I see people excited and engaged by what they do. I wish I had what they have. Maybe I’m spending too much time looking outside of myself to find this elusive thing instead of allowing enough space and quiet into my life. Perhaps I need to listen more; not to the voices of the internet and the latest self-help book, but to the subtle voice inside that is easily drowned out by the noise I allow into my life, noise that brings a nice distraction from having to look deeply for the answers I seek.

But again there is that question. What is it that I want to do? The book talks a lot about the “connection economy” and some of that resonates with me. Why did I publish a photo a day back in 2013? To connect. Why have I been posting to this blog once a week this year? To connect, to find some common ground and hopefully strike a chord in someone. But how is this my art? If it was my art, would I not be more passionate about it, would it not keep me up at night?

Is it possible that we don’t all have an “art”, some game changing talent or all encompassing passion? Is it possible that crafting a life of being true to ourselves is enough? Perhaps creating a life of connection and meaning is an art in and of itself.

So what is this life I want to create? I want to live simply. I want to have time to exercise, to meditate, to be outside, and to spend time with loved ones. I want the time and resources to be able to travel and explore new places, and to make lasting connections wherever I go. I want a life free from clutter, filled only with the essentials, the things that matter. I want sunshine, rain clouds, good books, and music to uplift my spirit and jump up and down to. I want to be content with what I have, free from craving for things that are not healthy for me physically, mentally, and emotionally. I want to not be afraid of reaching out to others, and not be scared to ask for help when I need it. I want to leave things better than when I found them without first getting frustrated and angry that they got screwed up in the first place. I want equanimity. I want love, passion, the sound and smell of the sea, and the rising and falling paths of the mountains. I want it all, and I want nothing.

Is this art; to try to be just a little bit better each day? What is my passion? To create a life worth living.

Based on a journal entry from 8.17.13

I Don’t Know

07/28/2017 by John Leave a Comment

I don’t know where I will be in four months. Two weeks ago, I did not know where I would be next month. I don’t know when I will have paid work again or what that work will be. I still don’t know what I’m going to be when I grow up.

But, I’m learning to be okay with “I don’t know”. Struggling against “I don’t know” only causes a lot of mental anguish. Trying to fill in the blank spaces created by “I don’t knows” takes up time that could better be spent enjoying the present the here and now.

There is freedom to be found in releasing the need to know what is next or in trying to have the answer to every question. “I don’t know” means the path is undetermined and anything can happen. I try to find the spaciousness within “I don’t know”, and then relax into the unlimited possibilities of it. “I don’t know” is not a problem that always needs a fix. “I don’t know” is an invitation to be awed by the mysteries of life.

Based on a journal entry from 7.24.12

Training Plans

07/08/2017 by John Leave a Comment

I need a training plan, and not just for running. I need a training plan to help me become the person I want to be. If I want to learn a new skill, get better at guitar, or improve my writing, I would be more successful if I approached these things like an ultramarathon. That means taking the time to create a training plan. Why? Because I need the accountability, and a way to minimize the decisions I have to make on a day to day basis.

Last week I wrote about commitment. Having a training plan is a way to turn commitment into action. I love to run, but I am also lazy and can easily talk myself out of lacing my shoes up and heading out the door. But as I stated in last week’s post, when I am following a training plan “there is no question when I wake up in the morning about whether or not I will go for a run or how long that run will be”. With a training plan in place, I don’t have to think about how I will follow through on my commitment to being physically fit. The steps to follow have been made ahead of time, alleviating the unnecessary mental gymnastics of trying to decide how to spend my time and ending the tug of war between my desire to lay in bed with a cup of coffee reading about self-improvement and actually doing the work necessary to make improvement happen.

It’s obvious to see where a training plan fits into the goal of running an ultramarathon. The necessity of slowly and systematically getting my body ready to undertake such an intense physical endeavor is clear. But change in all aspects of life is a gradual process that is dictated by the actions I take each and every moment. A training plan clearly lays these actions out. Without some direction, my actions too often leave me pursuing a life of distraction instead of purpose.

The idea of having a training plan has been on my mind lately in regards to language learning. I have been in Spain for two months now (and spent two months here last year), and I still feel I am no closer to being able to have a simple conversation on the street than I was before. It’s not like I haven’t been trying. I’ve been using iPhone apps like Duolingo and MosaLingua, looking up words I don’t understand, and listening to language learning podcasts. Last year I even started out with a one-week intensive language course when I arrived here. Still, it feels like I’ve been throwing shit at a wall and hoping some of it will stick. Very little of it has.

I think one reason why is that what I have been doing is lacking focus, something a “training plan” would provide. Learning a random collection of whatever phrases Duolingo throws at me (example: “el elefante bebe leche” – the elephant drinks milk) somehow isn’t getting me any closer to having a meaningful conversation with anyone. If I had a training plan for learning Spanish, there would be a focus on learning language that would be useful in everyday situations, not just when I need to let someone know what to feed their oversized pet.

Regularity is a characteristic of a training plan. My attempts at learning Spanish have been sporadic over the past few years, with streaks of many days in a row of practice punctuated with times of virtually no activity. Regular repetition is a proven way to learn and without this, I find myself constantly relearning words I should already know. A training plan would ensure that I am working towards learning consistently and for an optimum amount of time each day.

With less than a week to go in Spain, I don’t think I’ll be mastering the Spanish language this trip, but perhaps I’ve gained some insight into how to proceed from here. Next time I want to learn something new, or turn a commitment into action, hopefully I will remember to first take the time to identify where it is I want to go, and then develop a training plan to get me there.

So what are you “training” for?

Do you have a plan yet?