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See You Later New Zealand

06/20/2019 by John Leave a Comment

Clouds over a small harbor in New Zealand

Today, I’m feeling incredibly settled here in New Zealand. This is a big turn around from just a few short weeks ago. I don’t know if it will last, but it’s nice for now. Would I feel settled anywhere I stop moving for long enough? We’ve been here longer than we’ve been anyplace in the last four years and it has only been a little over eight months. We’ve been living in displacement.

I wrote these words just a few months ago. Today I sit in a half-empty apartment surrounded by boxes waiting to be filled and shipped back to the United States. I have accepted a job in North Carolina and reluctantly we are leaving New Zealand.

It’s been one of the most rollicking years of my life with extreme highs and lows coming in rapid succession. I’ve gone from the initial high of learning we were coming to New Zealand, down into the trough of thinking it was a horrible mistake, back up to the heights of a honeymoon love that I am now walking away from. Throw in a big identity crisis and training for and completing my biggest run in four years and it has been an eventful 12 months.

Though we are returning to the United States, I still can’t help but think that New Zealand isn’t done with us yet. I feel like we are traveling back into the past by going home while the future is still here. What does that mean? Thoughts are just thoughts, but they do color and shape reality. What is it about this place that makes it so sticky for me? Is it the unspeakable beauty I have known here? The peace? The stillness? The laughter? Words don’t do this place justice and even a picture can only say so much.

I have come to deeply love this “land of the long white cloud” along with its people, kiwis and fellow migrants alike. There is a relaxedness about this place, permeating the air and all aspects of life here. Everything just seems a little easier, a little less full of bullshit. Things, like paying taxes and buying and selling a vehicle, are simple processes that can be done online in a matter of minutes. As I write these words I question once again why we are leaving.

How can I say goodbye to this place; this land of sky and sea, of mountains rippled across the land like frosting on the most delicious cupcake you ever tasted? This strangely familiar place that I now somehow think of as home. The air and water here are now within me, composing the very cells of my body. New Zealand’s soil is underneath my fingertips.

We go back to a place where we are known and we are loved. We go back to the sounds numberless chirping crickets singing us to sleep on warm summer nights. Back to wandering old, familiar pathways. Back to things that are remembered.

So while my heart is still breaking over our departure from New Zealand, I look forward to spending time in my other homes: the mountains of Western North Carolina, the sun-drenched beaches of the Outer Banks, the stillness of the Everglades, and hopefully a return next summer to the Camino de Santiago. I am fortunate to have had the opportunity to spend significant amounts of time in parts of the world so different from where I came from. I can honestly say that many of them now feel like home.

I’ve written many times about home. It’s a feeling in the heart. Sometimes it consists primarily of the people around me and sometimes it is the way the landscape speaks to me and works its way into my essence. Some places do both. New Zealand is one of them.

Filed Under: Home Tagged With: New Zealand, travel

Refuse to Suffer

03/02/2019 by John Leave a Comment

John running in the Tarawera Ultramarathon

It was somewhere around kilometer 80 of 102 that a phrase popped up in my head. I was running a flat section of the Tarawera Ultramarathon beside one of the many lakes in the Rotorua region of New Zealand. Both knees were hurting, my left quad was getting tight, and the last heat of the day was still lingering in the air. So what, I thought, I refuse to suffer.

I looked around me at a landscape punctuated with soft green mountains, a near cloudless summer sky, and the beautiful blue lake I was running alongside. I listened to the laughter of people enjoying their day swimming and picnicking by the lakeside. I looked inside myself. I was hurting, but my legs still felt strong and I had plenty of energy. There was no need to suffer.

There is a saying that pain is inevitable but suffering is optional. No matter how hard we may try, pain, whether it be physical, mental, or emotional, is an unavoidable part of life. However, we do have agency over how we react to it. Pain can narrow our vision, preventing us from seeing the positive aspects of our lives. This is where suffering arises: when we let the pain define who we are instead of accepting it as only one facet of our current experience.

Running long distances is a guaranteed way to put this concept to the test. Sooner or later, the pain will come. When it does I can either create suffering by fixating about it, or I can decide to accept it for what it is: a temporary condition that I don’t have to let color the rest of my experience.

What is causing you pain right now? Are you allowing it to cause you suffering? Can you meet your pain with acceptance and equanimity? If so, it is possible to find freedom from suffering because of it.

Filed Under: Mindfulness, Running Tagged With: mindfulness, running

Putting In The Miles

02/07/2019 by John Leave a Comment

Government House Rotorua, New Zealand

Government House, Rotorua. Near the finish line for the Tarawera Ultramarathon

We are in Rotorua this weekend participating in the Tarawera Ultra Marathon. Mary is running a half-marathon, her first organized trail run. I will be attempting the 102 kilometers (roughly 60 miles) distance. This race is on the Ultra Trail World Tour. Some of the best trail runners in the world will be competing this weekend. It is by far the most prestigious event I have taken part in and the atmosphere and professionalism I’ve experienced thus far surpass other races I have been a part of.

Preparing for this event has been a great motivator over the past six months. It has pushed me to explore New Zealand to an extent I probably would not have otherwise. Wellington is known for having harsh weather. Training for Tarawera has given me the extra push to get out the door on days when the wind is howling and the rain is coming in sideways. No matter what happens during the event, it’s the preparation that makes it all worthwhile.

Finishing a big endeavor feels great. The sense of elation at getting through something challenging can overpower your emotions. But you only earn that feeling after putting in the miles. The feelings of accomplishment quickly fade into the hum of everyday life, but nothing can take away the hard work and preparation that went into it. Achieving a goal is a wonderful thing, but remember that the real value is in the things you do along the way to get there.

Filed Under: Running Tagged With: New Zealand, running

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