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The Passing of Time

02/10/2017 by John 1 Comment

Sunset Over Water

Time passes so strangely. Days pass rapidly, full of motion, yet leaving me feeling like nothing is getting done. Weeks move slowly while whole months seem to disappear, swallowed up by hungry ghosts.

I am feeling my age more with each passing season. It seems that the sand is running through the hourglass faster now, with more of it piled up down below than up above. I am left wondering what will I do with the grains remaining? How will I use them wisely?

I feel the weight of great sorrows yet to come pressing down. The loss of loved ones and diminished physical and perhaps mental faculties are a gift time will bring that no one can refuse. How will I accept them when they arrive?

But joy and wonder also yet to come. What new places are waiting just over the horizon? Who might I meet the next time I break down along the roadside? What pearls of wisdom still lie hidden below the surface one day to be revealed?

As I recognize the passing of time, I see more clearly the beauty in the everyday. I relish the simple pleasure of waking up and sitting down with a steaming cup of coffee to record the meanderings of my mind. I see the wonder in the changing shadows as the sun arcs from dawn till dust. I experience peace in the feel of air moving across my skin. I look for moments of awe in even the darkest of hours.

My mind can blind me from these wonders, clouding my perception with anxieties and insecurities. Lost in the soap opera of the brain, I become locked into its glowing screen, missing the majesty of the clouds morphing overhead, the laugh of a child running down the street, or the gentle touch of a loved one.

My wish is to be awake as I make my journey through time. To be present for the joys and sorrows yet to come, accepting both as equal partners in the dance of life. I want to not get lost in the unreality television show of my mind, wasting precious moments on worries that may never come to fruition while the light paints a beautiful portrait I am too distracted to notice. I want to jump in the ocean every time there is an opportunity for no other reason than because I can. I want to embrace the life that is left in me and ride the passage of time like a surfer caught in the moment of uncertainty and ecstasy as a wave picks him up and moves him inexorably forward into the unknown.

Based on a journal entry first written on 2.3.13

Lesser Goals

01/27/2017 by John Leave a Comment

We are kept from our goals not by obstacles but by a clear path to a lesser goal.

Robert Brault

I decide to clean out my emails instead of sitting down to write. I sign up for the 50 kilometer run instead of the 50 miler.

I choose the lesser goal often. It is more achievable. It takes less time. I can still have the satisfaction of getting something done.

But what are the long term effects? I never begin the big ambitious writing project. I never run another 100 mile race.

Accomplishing short terms goals is great, so long as I don’t lose sight of my bigger objectives during the process.

What Is Your Excuse?

01/20/2017 by John Leave a Comment

I find excuses everywhere I can. There is meaningful work to do, but the kitchen sink is full of excuses why not to get started. So is the stack of unread mail piling up on the desk. I have lists full of excuses, overgrown with mundane tasks that "need" to be done. Other people are wonderful excuses. They provide a target other than myself for my frustration over inaction. If only my partner would do more around the house. If only my employer would change this or that way of doing things. If only everyone around me would be what I wish myself to be, a person living each moment with passion and focus. It is so much easier to be critical of someone else's behavior instead of dealing with my own.

I have to take responsibility for my excuses. I create them and I nurture them. But I can also make them disappear. The dishes can wait, most of the mail chucked away, and those "to do" lists pruned to the absolute essentials. Instead of wasting time wishing they would behave as I want them to, I can let others live their life as they see fit. When necessary, I can ask for help to complete the responsibilities we share in common.

Life is short and we are only guaranteed this present moment. There are things we can do that will nourish us and the lives of others. These are usually the difficult tasks, the ones that need our full focus and commitment. They are the things most worthy of our limited time and attention. If you are not doing them, ask yourself:

What is my excuse today?

Based on a journal entry from 12.11.14