Lifestyle

Reflections On Sober October

11/08/2019 by John 1 Comment

Sober October is over, but my alcohol-free streak has continued into November. Work has been busy and my duties supervising teenagers have prevented me from having many opportunities to partake. But even when I have had them, my desire to have a drink remains low. Like many bad habits, the longer I stay away from this one, the less power it has over my behavior.

Have I been tempted to drink during this period of abstinence? Sure, but usually in unexpected places. While shopping at Trader Joe’s, I found myself drawn to the alcohol section like a moth to a flame only to get there and remember my commitment to sobriety for the month.

I don’t think that I’ve had my last drink, but when I do decide to have one, I want to do so with intentionality. Alcohol is an unreliable friend. One moment it can embolden me to be the center of attention and the next it can betray me and make me feel like I just want to fade out of the room completely. When I am on the boisterous side of it, I can become the life of the party. But I’m also just as likely to say something I might later regret.

I hope I can maintain a healthy relationship with alcohol. I hope that it becomes something I do with intention and on infrequent occasions. I hope that when I do drink, I remember that the third beer is always a mistake. The problem is, beer number two is persuasive to the contrary.

Based partially on a journal entry from 12.15.16

Straight Edge

10/21/2019 by John Leave a Comment

I’m a person just like you
But I’ve got better things to do
Than sit around and smoke dope
‘Cause I know I can cope
Laugh at the thought of eating ‘ludes
Laugh at the thought of sniffing glue
Always gonna keep in touch
Never want to use a crutch

I’ve got a straight edge

~ Minor Threat

My parents were probably in anguish over the screaming vocals and rapid-fire guitar chords blasting out of my stereo speakers when I was in high school. They probably thought the music was encouraging all sorts of deviant behavior or perhaps giving praise to the devil. If they only knew the message that was really being delivered, they might have told me to turn up the volume.

I was into straight edge punk rock at the time. I fully bought into the ethos that movement advocated: to keep your mind and body free of substances and activities that would interfere with your ability to think critically and take action when needed to right injustice. The message of bands like Minor Threat and 7Seconds dovetailed nicely with my Southern Baptist upbringing and this further reinforced my feeling that I was doing the right thing.

As I took on the fashions of my skateboarding peer group, including floppy lopsided haircuts and clothing bought at the army surplus store and Goodwill, I’m sure my church community thought I was straying from the flock. Little did they know that I was stronger in my convictions against using drugs and alcohol than many of my peers who dressed the part of the perfect Baptist teen on Sunday morning after spending their Saturday night out drinking and exploring their sexuality.

I was proud of being straight edge. I felt like I was being true to who I was. Those of us in the straight edge community were perfectly accepted by other punks and skaters who chose to use alcohol and drugs. There was no sense of being ostracized for the decision we made to refrain.

When I was going into my senior year, I made a decision that altered the course of how I conducted my life. I decided I wanted to drink beer. Why? For the same reason that teenage boys decide to do most of the things they choose to do: I wanted to impress some girls. It seems that fashion trends had shifted over the summer and all of a sudden, I was being noticed by girls at the higher rungs of the high school social ladder. The vast majority of them were into partying and alcohol.

Once I started drinking, I never looked back. I left for college and my Minor Threat tapes and skateboard started gathering dust. I got into the rhythm of drinking on weekends and believing that alcohol was the secret to having a good time. I am an introvert and I liked that alcohol seemed to give me the ability to be comfortable meeting and socializing with new people. Drinking became a part of my personality. Out drinking was where I met many of the people I today call friend.

I don’t regret the decision I made to have that first sip of beer. If I never had my life would not have taken me on the journey it has and left me here in a place where overall I am happy and content. But lately, I’ve been asking myself whether consuming alcohol is adding any value to my life. Increasingly, the answer I come up with is no.

So for this month, I’ve got a straight edge again. I am enjoying the break from alcohol while also feeling some pangs of longing when others around me are partaking. Alcohol has become such a social norm in our society that when I am not drinking, I can feel like an outsider. Maybe it’s time to dust off the Minor Threat tapes, turn up the volume and remember that I am not alone. There is a whole movement of people out there who have decided that their life is fuller and more meaningful without alcohol. It is nice to be one of them again.

The Third Beer is Always A Mistake

09/26/2019 by John Leave a Comment

This is the second in a series of series of posts I am writing in conjunction with Sober October. These posts explore my changing relationship with alcohol.

At 1:15 a.m., I wondered why it was that I was not sleeping so good. And then I remembered. The third beer is always a mistake.

The pattern that repeats itself in regards to my drinking goes like this: I have one drink, and it all seems so nice and relaxing. I am having fun and there are smiles and laughter. So why not have a second? Before I finish this one, my mind is already grasping for a third. Why not? This is making me happy, right? Before I finish the third beer, I realize I am a little drunk. I don’t like some of the feelings and behaviors that stem from that, and I know that there will be consequences in the way that I sleep and how I will feel the next day.

So why not stop at the second, or better yet the first beer? That would be a reasonable solution, but one that I find difficult to implement. When it comes to alcohol, I am better at the extremes: none at all or one too many.

Three or more drinks make my sleep suffer. They might make going to sleep an easy process, but I wake up a few hours later feeling overly warm, dehydrated, and just generally not good. The next morning, I don’t wake up as easily. My energy level is flat or worse, and I spend much of the day in a bit of a haze. All of this greatly affects the quality of my day.

The Avett Brothers say it best:

When I drink,

I spend the next morning in a haze,

But we only get so many days,

Now I have one less.

Nights of drinking are thieves. They steal time. More accurately, they are vampires, for we must invite them in.

As I grow older, I open my door ever less often to these creatures of the night. I don’t know if I’ve grown much wiser, but I am certainly more aware that time is the most precious commodity that I possess and to squander it is simply not worth it. There is too much beauty to behold, people to connect with, and things to be done. Time is a gift to be treasured, and one that can be revoked at any moment.

Based on a journal entry from 8.9.12